Regrets

                Regrets that I have are like the inner demons in my heart, constantly surfacing to haunt me, to create a wound in my heart, a wound that is constantly healed and reopened from time to time. It hurts so bad at times that it brings tears to my eyes just by thinking of them. These are the decisions that I made in my 18 years of existence which altered the course of my life, mostly in a bad way.
                It made me wonder, " if only i had done this", "if only I hadn't done that". I wish so badly that I could turn back the Wheels of Time and right the wrongs that I had done, the wrongs which had hurt the people around me and myself included. I would think, " maybe if i could rectify the wrongs then my life would be so much better". However, if one were to think about this, one would see a positive side to it. Each decision made alters the course of our lives and we do not know if the decision made would be for the better or for the worse. I may even have a worse life than this if I had chosen other actions. Sadly, this fact does not comfort me.
                Surprising how we tend to remember the bad things better than the good ones or is it just me.... I can still remember almost all the bad things in my life that I have done and yet I remember little about the joys that I experienced when I was young. "Why is that so?" I would wonder.  As I type this post, I can't help but feel a deep sadness for what could have been if I never did all those things. If only there was something that could be done to change all of these, if only I never chose to do all of these. Sigh.... if only....